Alright, these really make me laugh too hard! :))
- Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. East
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
- Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
- No, Thursday is out. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
- If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me (Song title by Jimmy Buffet).
- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.
- When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
- Put on your seat belt… I wanna try something.
- There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
- Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
- Don’t waste your time on a guy that isn’t willing to waste his time on you.
- I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
- Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
- Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!
- I’ve got problem for your solution…
- Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
:D
xo K
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